


my heart beats in your open palms

by candied_stupidity (efflorescent_idiocy)



Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, HQ Angst Week, M/M, Metaphors, Mysophobia, Parallel Universes, Unhappy Ending, prompt: star tears disease, star tears disease
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27370447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/efflorescent_idiocy/pseuds/candied_stupidity
Summary: The heart is a fragile thing for such an important muscle, soft and remarkably easy to break - especially in the hands of one Miya Atsumu.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996114
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	my heart beats in your open palms

_i._

_(sorry about the blood in your mouth._

_I wish it was mine.)_

Atsumu's brassy eyes are not red from tears. His hair is meticulously styled, and he does not have eyebags. He looks perfectly fine, glowing even, and Kiyoomi feels sick looking at him, even though it's through a screen. When was the last time he saw Atsumu without puffy eyes?

_Atsumu is screaming. He's teary-eyed, furiously scrubbing at his skin._

_Kiyoomi, suddenly, wants very much to smother him in affection, to pull his hands away and say, "Please don't hurt yourself." But he doesn't because it's not his place. Where is that again? He forgets._

_(In another universe, Kiyoomi does just that. He grabs his hands, kisses away the wrinkle on Atsumu's forehead, his own, silent 'I love you'. This Kiyoomi is still.)_

_"Omi, when was the last time we went out on a date? When was the last time either of us said 'I love you'?"_

_"Two days ago. I made your favorite for breakfast. Then at the end of practice. And in the note you left me. The last time was after you fell asleep."_

_"I love you so much, but I don't know if we can work through this, Omi. You never tell me anything. Why didn't you tell me?"_

_"I hadn't considered it at all. Going to France was never an option."_

_Leaving you was never an option, he doesn't say._

_Atsumu hears it anyway._

_"That's it, Omi. It should've been. I can't stifle you - we talked about this. Changing all our choices because of each other isn't healthy. I-I need to get out of here."_

_He storms out of the house, slams the door behind him._

_Kiyoomi goes to bed and cries._

_("I love you," he doesn't say. "I didn't go to France because they wouldn't make exceptions for my mysophobia.")_

_ii._

_(there is a certain beauty_

_in setting the world on fire_

_and watching from the center_

_of the flames)_

He freezes at the gooey feeling on his face. His tears had started to solidify on his face, and they were shimmery, almost glittery.

After googling the early signs of star tear disease, Kiyoomi knew. He'd known for a while that Atsumu was a hurricane - mighty, wild, with terrible strength and unexpected gentleness. There was no way to go around him, only the options of weathering through and evacuating.

** Star Tears Disease **

**Star tears disease is a result of unrequited love. Scientists are not exactly sure why it happens, but victims often have a genetic predisposition towards it.**

**Symptoms:**

•Irritated eyes

•Shiny or sparkly tears

•Loss of color-seeing cone cells

•Tears that harden over time (often look like glass)

•Lightheadedness

•Memory loss (in extreme cases)

•Blindness (in extreme cases)

**Early signs of star tears disease:**

•Viscous tears

•Unusually shiny or sparkly tears

•Irritated eyes

_(In another universe, he immediately calls Atsumu, and his tears never thicken again. In this one, he doesn't pick up the phone.)_

Kiyoomi thought he'd make it, believed he could get through the meltdowns and the jealousy, and he had, for the most part. He wasn't going to make it. Not because of stupidity, but because he'd broken his primary rule - storms did not love him - he'd forgotten that and fallen anyways.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. Storms cannot love you back._

He should've known better. It was always going to end this way.

Once, before they'd gotten together, Atsumu had spoken about how he'd loved Kita-san, the captain in his second year. He said he'd been in love for years until the ashes of their relationship were finally scattered when he'd signed with the Jackals.

Clearly, he hadn't needed to move far away to get over _Kiyoomi._

He falls back onto his bed.

Dust motes hover in the air above him like prayers already past his fingers. He halfheartedly snatches at them, but they glide around him, though they're close enough to touch.

Eventually, he decides to keep playing volleyball unless he loses his vision. In that case, he'll quit early and spend some time with his bucket list, in hopes that he'd fall out of love too.

_(In another universe, he does.)_

Telling Atsumu is out of the question.

He kind of hopes he won't have to switch teams, but that might be necessary.

_iii._

_(here is what they don't tell you:_

_icarus laughed as he fell,_

_threw his head back and yelled_

_into the wind,_

_arms spread wide,_

_teeth bared to the world)_

On Monday, he gets the news with the rest of the team. Atsumu is transferring overseas (he should use Miya, but he won't let go of this last fragment of what they had).

Atsumu burns holes into his skull the entire time, waiting for a reaction.

_Would you still come if I called? I would._

_(In another universe, he begs Atsumu not to go, and he stays. That is not this universe - in this one, Kiyoomi doesn't say a word, even when he knows he's being watched.)_

He usually wouldn't give him the satisfaction of hurting or surprising him when he knew he'd feel guilty over it, but...

In a rare moment of spontaneity, he kisses his ex on the cheek. They learn against each other a split second too long, warmth spilling through his mask.

"Good luck, Atsumu," he whispers. "You have my blessings."

_(In another universe, he says, "Go with my love," like he always does. This Kiyoomi bites it back, and his tongue with it.)_

_iv._

_(cravings, so hard to neglect_

_sleeping to survive_

_just want to close my eyes_

_because in my dreams we are still alive)_

In 2025, Atsumu comes back to play on the Olympic team. He doesn't see Sakusa.

"Where's Omi-kun? He's like, a shoo-in for the team."

Ushijima pauses.

"You didn't know?" he asks. "Kiyoomi-kun went blind."

"How?" he sputters.

The look on his face is almost pity. The look on everyone else's face definitely is.

"Aggressive star tears disease - everyone was quite surprised by how quickly it progressed. We all found out a few months after you left, I think."

A tidal wave of guilt crashes onto him. Unless Sakusa didn't care about him at all, that was almost definitely his fault.

He lowers his head and continues stretching.

_(In another universe, Atsumu calls after practice and tells him whatever they were is still burning. In yet another, Sakusa doesn't remember him. This Atsumu never finishes dialing the number Komori gave him.)_

A tear drips down his face - his eyes have just been irritated lately. It's oddly iridescent.

_(In another universe, Atsumu loses his vision too. In this one, he loses the memories he most treasured.)_

**Author's Note:**

> this one's kinda iffy, like, id rank it 4 out of my 7 angst week fics  
> befriend me on twt @BloomingIdiocy!  
> read more of my work on tumblr!


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